The Secrets and Their Keeper

Goddammit.
So after the shit-tastic weekend ended I finally thought I was done crying for Drac, I thought I'd finally come to terms with it all and being at school would help me move on.
Yet, just now, I just got done with an almost complete nervous breakdown with no warning. I wasn't listening to sad music or anything, I was finishing up my paper on Dark Energy, when BAM! Now I just got back from blowing my brains out through my nose, and figured that it's about time for an update.

So I pretty much hate life right now.

I'm not sure where this outburst came from, but I am just so fed up with like, everything right now. I just want to give up on my future and not give two shits about anything that's already happened. I am so angry with everything. Whenever people talk to me, the only thining I'm thinking is "Stop. Stop talking to me." I don't want to work, but I don't just want to sit around and do nothing, either. I can't get on XBox Live for more than a couple of minutes before I'm tired of it. I can't focus on my school work, but I cant even get distracted. I just sit there.
I'm tired, though.
Thats all I want to do, at all, all the time now. I just want to sleep. I'm so angry most of the time, but I just kind of sit around with my friends and try to let their insanity distract me. I laugh and stuff, then I come home and cry in random bursts.
I have to wait until my sister has long gone to sleep to take a shower and stuff, because I don't want her to hear me crying myself to sleep.
She just keeps telling me to get over it, he's gone, there's nothing else that can be done. I know that. I want to get over it, but I just can't. Every time I get too distracted for too long, this happens.
I am so tired of everything right now. Even doing easy shit is hard. I don't know what's wrong with me.
I hate myself for it, too. I'm being so dramatic over this whole thing and I know that I am, I know I need to get over it. I cant though, and it's making me sick. I feel so lame.

Also, my apostrophe button on my laptop is stuck. I have to pretty much fucking punch it to make it make just one damn '.

Music: Still Alive - Lisa Miskovsky (Mirror's Edge OST)
For some reason, this song was what triggered my restrained breakdown. It's not even a sad song.